ALT 35,786 KMINCL 0.04°CREW AWAKE 2 / 23 NAPS LOGGED TODAY 412SF-299: APPROVED PORTAL DEVICE: UNACCOUNTED FOREVA STATUS: SUSPENDED KIBBLE RESERVES: 11 DAYSHUMAN: IN A MEETING
GEOPURR-1
GEOPURR-1 mission patch: a sleeping silver tabby in a space helmet above Earth, ringed by a geosynchronous orbit. Motto: Ad Astra, Postea Somnus.

Feline Orbital Directorate · Public Affairs Office

GEOPURR-1

Geosynchronous Orbital Platform for Unsupervised Rest & Research

“Ad Astra, Postea Somnus” — To the stars. Then a nap.

Mission Elapsed Time—
Crew23 +1 human (non-essential)

LIVE · COMMAND DECK CAM 1

Mission Overview

Holding perfectly still above one spot on Earth. Professionally.

GEOPURR-1 is a crewed research platform parked in geosynchronous orbit, 35,786 km above the equator, where one orbit takes exactly one day and the station never appears to move. The crew found this deeply relatable.

Originally commissioned in June 2026 for a single human occupant, the station has since been reorganized under feline management. The crew now pursues a balanced portfolio of science, maintenance, terrestrial infrastructure development and rest, weighted heavily toward rest.

The station’s nominal commander, hereafter “the Human,” remains aboard in a ceremonial capacity and continues to be useful for opening cans.

Orbit
GEO
35,786 km · 0.04° incl.
Crew complement
23
Manifested: 0
Federal permits
1
SF-299, approved
Avg. crew awake
8.7%
Within mission norms
Annual kibble cost
$500K
Per the Human’s math (see note)
Portal devices
1
Location: yes

Programs & Initiatives

Current Initiatives

Following the 16 October All-Paws Meeting, the crew has voluntarily (see: under protest) adopted the following portfolio.

Silver tabby asleep on a tablet reading 'SF-299 Approved' next to a cell tower model, with NEPA, Right-of-Way and Federal Lands books on the desk.

Project TOWERCAT

SF-299 Approved

Lead: Cmdr. Biscuit “Silverstripe” · Terrestrial Enterprises Division

Construction of a 180-ft lattice telecommunications tower on Bureau of Land Management land, providing four bars of coverage to an area currently populated by sagebrush and two (2) skeptical pronghorn. Commander Biscuit personally drafted the Standard Form 299 (Application for Transportation, Utility Systems, Telecommunications and Facilities on Federal Lands and Property) and spent several days pondering a 1:200 scale model, a process she describes as “structural meditation.”

Phase 2 of 4 — NEPA review
  • Site selection (chose the warmest one)
  • SF-299 submitted and approved
  • Environmental Assessment under NEPA
  • Right-of-way grant, construction, ribbon-cutting (ribbon to be chewed)
The station lounge with roughly twenty cats asleep on every surface.

Orbital Rest & Recovery Study

Ongoing

Lead: Napping Reserve Corps (all of them)

The longest-running continuous experiment in GEO. Investigates whether sleep in microgravity is more restorative than sleep on Earth. Results to date are inconclusive; additional sleep is required.

Dozens of cats at work: one vacuuming, several at computers, a tuxedo cat with a microscope, beakers on the table and books on astrophysics.

Microgravity Science Program

Active

Lead: Dr. Tuxford, Chief Science Officer

Active experiments include Kibble Trajectories in Reduced Gravity, Comparative Laser Dot Dynamics, and Whether Things Placed Near an Edge Will Still Fall If Pushed (n=4,118, yes). Reference library includes Feline Biology, Astrophysics and Cat Navigation.

Station Upkeep Directive

31% compliance

Lead: Sgt. Marmalade, Environmental Systems

Vacuuming, monitor dusting, shelf patrol and towel logistics. Sgt. Marmalade notes that the vacuum is “a rival, not a tool” and that compliance figures improve sharply when the Human is watching.

A cat in a white spacesuit floating outside the station window, as other cats sleep inside.

Extravehicular Activity Program

Suspended

Lead (self-appointed): Specialist Comet

The EVA program was established on 16 October at 12:58 UTC when Specialist Comet located a spacesuit and founded the program herself. It was suspended at 12:59 UTC when the Human noticed. A formal review found that no one had ever told Comet not to.

The command desk, with a glowing blue oval portal now set into the far wall.

Applied Portal Mechanics

Unsanctioned

Lead: Gizmo (whereabouts: variable)

On 30 October a handheld portal device of unknown origin was observed in crew hands. Since then a blue elliptical aperture has appeared in the aft bulkhead. Items lost to date: two laser pointers, one stapler, the Human’s lunch (twice). Gizmo has been seen entering the portal and exiting it before entering it.

Kibble Logistics & Resupply

Under review

Lead: The Human (regrettably)

Resupply via commercial rideshare to low Earth orbit, followed by a transfer orbit to GEO. The Human calculated this at roughly $500,000 per year, a number the crew has decided to treat as a starting point for negotiations. See budget →

Mission Updates

Mission Log

Official record maintained by the Public Affairs Office. Annotations by the Human appear where the Human insisted on them.

  1. SF-299 APPROVED; portal activity confirmed

    Approval office: the tabby asleep on the approved SF-299, a portal glowing in the wall behind, crew reading and working at the lounge table.

    The Bureau of Land Management has approved Commander Biscuit’s SF-299 for Project TOWERCAT. The Commander marked the occasion by lying on the approval notice for six consecutive hours to keep it warm.

    In unrelated news, a glowing blue portal is now installed in the aft wall. Nobody requested it. The crew has asked that it not be called “unrelated news.”

    Human’s note: I would like it on the record that I was not consulted about either of these things.

    PAO reply: Noted. Filed.

  2. TOWERCAT model review

    Tabby asleep with her chin on a tablet showing 'SF-299 Approved', beside the cell tower model and blueprints.

    Final design review of the 1:200 lattice tower model. Reviewers checked guy-wire tension, antenna azimuths and whether the equipment shelter was a good size to sit in (it was not; this is the only open issue). The Commander was briefly observed pondering. Pondering was followed by rest.

  3. Terrestrial Enterprises Division established

    The tabby sitting upright at a laptop showing the SF-299 application form. The tabby studying a scale model of a cell tower beside blueprints and site photos.

    Commander Biscuit, having slept on the Human’s desk for 48 days, has begun working at it. Her first act was to open an SF-299 and fill in section 1 (“Applicant Information”) with her own name, which the Human had not realized was an option.

    Rationale: “The Earth is right there. It does not have enough towers. I do.”

  4. Command Deck Cam 1 goes live

    A live feed of the command desk is now streamed during all of the Human’s video meetings. Engagement metrics indicate meeting participants watch the cat 94% of the time and the Human 6% of the time. The PAO considers this the most successful outreach effort in station history.

  5. “The Talk”: productivity restructuring

    The whole crew at work: vacuuming, typing, running chemistry experiments, carrying towels and studying astrophysics.

    Following the EVA incident, the Human convened an All-Paws Meeting. Minutes follow in full:

    HUMAN: Okay. Everyone. We need to talk about pulling our weight.

    CREW: [no response]

    HUMAN: This is a space station. It costs money. There is science to do. Someone has to clean.

    SPC. COMET (from outside the window): [taps glass]

    HUMAN: And nobody goes outside. Ever. That’s, that’s a rule now.

    CMDR. BISCUIT: [opens one eye; closes it]

    Meeting adjourned 13:04. Sixteen of twenty-two crew members present. Four awake.

    Within six minutes the crew had distributed itself across science, computing, cleaning and logistics stations. The PAO wishes to stress that this was a coincidence, and the crew had been planning to do all of this anyway.

  6. Unauthorized EVA (the “last straw”)

    A cat in a full spacesuit floating outside the observation window over Earth.

    Specialist Comet conducted a 60-second extravehicular activity in a spacesuit she was not issued, through an airlock she should not be able to operate. Objective of the EVA: to look in the window at the Human. Objective achieved.

    Human’s note: Where did she even get a suit in that size?

    PAO reply: That is classified.

  7. Full occupancy

    Twenty or more cats asleep on shelves, sofas, cat beds and the reception counter.

    Every horizontal surface on the habitation deck is now assigned. Several vertical ones are under consideration. The station’s life support system was not sized for this and has been asked to try harder.

  8. Nap density reaches critical

    Eight cats sleeping around the lounge and shelves, the tabby asleep in front. The tabby asleep belly-up with paws in the air on the command desk.

    Crew count reaches eight. Commander Biscuit has adopted the belly-up posture, which in feline doctrine signals total confidence in station security. Station security consists of the Human, so this is either a compliment or a mistake.

  9. Crew expansion (unmanifested)

    The tabby on the desk, with three more cats now asleep on the sofa, window ledge and a cat bed.

    Three additional crew members detected. A review of launch manifests, docking logs and airlock cycles has found no record of any of them arriving. They are simply here now, as cats tend to be.

  10. First contact

    A silver tabby kitten asleep on the human's desk, curled beside the laptop.

    A silver tabby is found asleep on the command desk, directly behind the Human’s chair and in full view of every video call. The Human does not notice for three weeks. Every other participant in those calls noticed immediately.

  11. Station commissioned

    The empty station: a cream leather chair, a closed laptop, a notebook and a plant, Earth in the windows.

    The Human takes up residence aboard a clean, quiet, extremely under-occupied station and describes it in the first log entry as “peaceful” and “productive.” This is the last time either word appears in the station log.

Personnel

Crew Roster

Cmdr. Biscuit “Silverstripe”

Mission Director · Chief of Terrestrial Enterprises

First aboard, and therefore in charge. Holder of the station’s only approved federal permit. Works from the Human’s desk, which she has annexed.

Asleep on the permit

Dr. Tuxford

Chief Science Officer

Runs the microscope and the chemistry bench. Has published 0 papers but pushed 4,118 objects off of surfaces in the name of reproducibility.

Observing something small

Sgt. Marmalade

Environmental Systems & Vacuuming

Operates the station vacuum in a full harness. Considers the vacuum a nemesis, which is why he volunteered: “Keep your enemies closer.”

Vacuuming (aggressively)

Specialist Comet

EVA Officer (self-appointed, suspended)

The only crew member with spacewalk experience, all of it unauthorized. Still has the suit. Nobody has been able to get it back.

Grounded · staring at airlock

Gizmo

Department of Applied Portal Mechanics · Not pictured (was just here)

Has a portal device. Will not say where it came from. Has been seen in two places at once on three occasions and in zero places once, which was the worst one.

Location indeterminate

Napping Reserve Corps

17 crew members · Rest & Recovery

The backbone of the mission. Collectively responsible for 96% of logged naps. Individually identifiable by where they are sleeping, which changes.

Asleep (all)

The Human

Commander (Ceremonial) · Can Operations

Technically the station commander. Clearance level: kibble-adjacent. Primary duties include opening cans, attending meetings and being sat on. Performance review →

In a meeting

Funding & Budget

Kibble Logistics, FY2027

Resupply plan: kibble is launched as secondary payload on a commercial rideshare to low Earth orbit, then boosted to geosynchronous orbit via a transfer stage. The following estimate was prepared by the Human, unsupervised.

Line itemAnnual cost
Rideshare to LEO (kibble, ~58 kg/yr)$348,000
LEO → GTO → GEO transfer (cost share)$112,000
Treats CLASSIFIED$25,000
Catnip (import permit pending)$9,000
Payload integration, insurance, a bow$6,000
Total$500,000

Human Resources (Feline)

Annual Performance Review: The Human

Prepared by the Office of the Mission Director. The subject was given an opportunity to respond and used it to say “I’m literally the commander.”

Can openingMeets expectations

Reliable, if slow. Asks “are you hungry?” as though there were ever another answer.

Lap availabilityBelow expectations

Lap frequently occupied by a laptop. Laptop is warm, which is the only reason this is not rated lower.

LeadershipBelow expectations

Held one (1) “talk.” Attendance was mandatory. Listening was not. Credit is given for the six minutes of productivity that followed, which the crew maintains was coincidental.

Situational awarenessUnsatisfactory

Did not notice a cat on their own desk for three weeks. Did not notice the portal until it ate their lunch. Has still not noticed the thing behind the sofa.

MathematicsUnder review

See kibble projection.

Video call presenceExceeds expectations

Attracts substantial audiences, who are there to see the cat.

Overall determination: Retained. Thumbs remain useful.